hurts like hell
by austinpickles
Summary: in which highschool is a fucking nightmare but having austin around makes life bareable.
1. introduction

ally lives a life of lies, and like all lies do, they catch up to her.

she lies about her sanity, her happiness, her friendships and most importantly her heart.

austin kisses the scars that mark her body, and helps her forget the lies. but even he can't stay forever.

A REWRITE OF SATAN. 

;plot is mine, austin and ally are not mine, unfortunately. 

;songs used are not mine either. 

;oc's are mine. 

;this is an au.


	2. one

"and baby i don't mind your shadows,

cause they disappear in the light."

you ever feel like you're just there. you walk past people in crowds, in between classes, as a nameless face.

everybody's getting by, and you're left standing.

everybody's swimming along fine, and you're left drowning.

high school, where kids don't go to high school but goto school high.

you lose yourself a million times, and re-introduce yourself about a billion times; because you just don't know what it is, but something about the new you is off. too forced, too sad, too happy. or maybe it's because you hate yourself. all of yourselves.

ally's body aches as she reaches the top step to the floor where her classes are.

she stops just before opening the door, to exhale a shaky breath. wondering if this is worth it, if the shameful looks that'll be thrown her way, will be worth it all.

taking a quick sip of water she enters the hallway, surveying the emptiness of it. she's late of course so no one is around, she prefers it that way. she can recollect herself in private.

"ally!"

well at least she thought she could.

she turned around with a tired smile on her face, "hey" she dragged out the "y".

her friend avery walked up to her from the corridors and gave her a brief hug.

"you're late, again. i didn't think you would come." she said with a short laugh.

it kind of bothered ally, when people said things like that, it made her feel like she was being so predictable. like if everyone around her was aware that she was being such a fuck up.

"well here i am." she said monotone, walking away to get to their class at the end of the hall.

she didn't mean to come across bitchy but she doesn't really want to be at school so why share false optimism and happiness? wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

"you okay?" avery asked picking up her pace to fall in stride next to her.

ally breathed in deeply at this, a lot of people ask you that just to be polite, and many of her friends ask her that when they notice her on an off day. but does anyone truly care? that's the question.

"yeah, i'm tired s'all"

they got to the door of the classroom before avery suddenly grabbed ally's arm to stop.

"like i said we didn't know if you were coming so someone's sitting in your seat." she said cautiously

ally rolled her eyes, i don't have time for this shit.

"if taylor wanted to sit next you then she can i don't give a shit, i don't even wanna be here." she said with a shrug never raising her voice.

avery looked sheepish at that, "austin is actually sitting in your seat, not taylor."

ally raised an eyebrow at that, her eyes feeling heavier with the slow blinks she's been doing.

"okay, cool i don't fucking own the chair, i'll just sit somewhere else no big deal." she said nonchalantly

as if avery, having an immediate replacement for her when she's gone doesn't bother her the slightest. it fucking sucks actually, and austin of all people. but she doesn't even like her friends anyways.

whatever, she thinks.

ally walked into the class feeling the anxiety crawl up her throat and set fire to the mind where her thoughts now ran rampant.

she wanted to turn around and look at him, see his reaction of her. did he even look at me? is he still looking at me? i hope i don't trip.

sitting in the back of the classroom she briefly registered her english teacher talking about books and essays while she just so happened to see avery sit down right next to austin, she figured he wasn't paying attention to her at all.

no one ever does.

ally looked down at her hands and played with her rings on her fingers. she counted them as she caught her breath. 1, 2 , 3- looking up one more time she caught austin turn his head around to face her.

her heart did a little jump in her chest and then melted as he sent a small smile to her.

"hi." he mouthed to her not so quietly, both her friends sitting around him turned to see who he was talking to.

ally not wanting the attention from them, awkwardly pursed her lips and gave a small nod in his direction, before completely diverting her focus from him. she noticed his face take on a quizzical look, he seemed confused at the greeting.

she looked straight ahead at her teacher and let him go on with the lesson.

she wondered if she was bit dead.

she was currently present while all this stuff was happening but she wasn't there at the same time.

she slowly felt herself disconnecting from everyone; she stared but she wasn't really seeing, she heard but she wasn't really listening.

it was the loneliest feeling in the fucking world and she just wanted to breathe.

she felt her eyelids grow heavier, and she was suddenly more exhausted than ever.

a hand on her arm brought her back to, and she turned to see austin was now sitting in the seat adjacent to her, with his hand rubbing circles on her arm.

"you don't look well ally, did you sleep last night." he said quietly.

she moved her arm closer to herself, losing the warmth of his, and shook her head to indicate that she has not slept at all.

she looked from his hand slowly inching away from her to his face. his eyes, were so sad for her. he looked like exactly what she sees in the mirror, pity, for herself.

"why does it matter to you? this is me everyday of my fucking life, why are you taking an interest in what's going on with me now?" she said quietly but with edge.

she also hated the look on his face after saying that but she couldn't really stand looking at his eyes at the moment, how sad they were because he was worried about her. she almost wanted to cry.

he looked offended but he couldn't say anything yet because the teacher was walking past them both. austin just shook his head in silence and furrowed his eyebrows.

when the teacher successfully walked by, he aggressively whispered

"you do fucking realize that i care for you, so much, you just don't let anyone near you for two whole seconds to help you ally."

she loved him so much.

"i felt very cared for last semester when you barely acknowledged my existence the entire time. but i guess that's how you treat people you really fucking care for." she said in a rushed tone, wanting to be done with this conversation.

he was about to say something else, but she cut him off instead.

"so what are you really doing here huh? did you break up with your girlfriend again, and what you wanted some entertainment or something?"

he looked as though she slapped him. turning away from her, but not getting out of his seat he continued his work in silence.

she felt bad, she really really did. but all she really knows is how to fuck shit up and all she really wanted to do was hug him.

"austin i-"

she started to say but her voice cracked instead and she looked down when she felt him turn to look at her.

she felt his stare even when her lips started quivering and her eyes were watering. and when the first tear fell down she felt his hand grab hers as he brought it under the table.

she shook her head, and sadly smiled to herself because, it felt so good to have austin hold her hand and sit with her through this.

quickly wiping at her face before anyone else realized that she was crying, she sneaked a glance at him, but he was still looking at her with a understanding smile.

she came to the conclusion that austin moon is way too good for her, and no one deserves him. but she'll let herself enjoy this moment, at least until the bell rings.


End file.
